I have moved

Since I have Written Raylynn’s Dark Secret I have moved all of my writing to a new blog on my Official author website. I am keeping this one up until I decide what I want to do with the content on this site. Please come and check out my new author blog here at  T. Kay Houston’s Blog.

I am currently working on another book of a different Genre. The Book is Titled Tree House and it is a suspense thriller. It is a bit more fun to write about serial killers and determined detectives. Come check out my blog I have an excerpt on it from both of my books and some insights into Raylynn’s Dark Secret.

Also check out Raylynn’s Dark Secret on Amazon. 

 

 

Advertisements

Good-Bye

Tags

, ,

I loved you from the day I first laid eyes on you. You were my deepest joy. I have tried to hang on to you over the years so much that it was very painful. I can’t hold on to you any longer. Since the day so long ago that you were gone I have longed to keep you in my life. That is not where you belong and I know that now. I must let you go and let the love fade away once and for all. I know relatives are not necessarily meant to be in each others lives and that for some there is no bond. I will do my best to not let the love I hold for you keep me in misery or destroy me. I will do my best to let that go as well. I know the only reason for us to never see each other again is because we have nothing in common and you don’t share the love I feel for you. Because my feelings for you stem from a one sided familial bond I will peacefully let you go. I hope that you find happiness in your life. I hope that some day you find the love of family and can love in return. I have heard it said that a mother can not lose the love for her child but I have seen that is not true for some. I have been told that the bond between mother and child is genetic in nature. I will mourn my loss and grow past this time in my life.

Childless Mother

written by T.K. Houston

In my arms they laid him down

He was so precious it was impossible to frown

Looking at him felt so complete

I knew it was time for him to eat.

My heart overwhelmed with love for my child

I had to gaze at him for a while

A good mother I was, or so I believed

I thought I would be since he was conceived

Just one thing; I couldn’t provide

I had no funds to ensure he thrived

With me, would he survive?

He was taken from me when he was so young

my heart was shattered

I cried ’til I was numb

Everyday I screamed and cried

My broken heart I could not hide

I am pleased to see he grew up fine

He didn’t need me, but he was meant to be mine

I missed him so much over the years

All I have left are my tears

NaNoWriMo

Tags

, ,

So, I participated in an event called NaNoWriMo which means National Novel Writing Month. The objective is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I found myself completely overwhelmed by the idea of writing so many words in a month but then once I got started I realized it really wasn’t that much and not quite a full Novel. I wrote my 50k words and found that pacing myself made it easy to write. After my 50k I decided to keep going and finish my story. I did finish it but then I realized I had to edit it and make sure it had no errors and that the story was what I wanted it to be. As I edit the story I realized that it is really heavy content and not sure if I should publish it.  So here my story sits comfortably in editing as I try to decide what to do with it. Bottom line is Nanowrimo gave me the incentive and opportunity to write a short story regardless if it is good or bad. It showed me that writing is something I can do regardless of how well I can do it. I still like writing short blog entries over a whole book because it can be done in a short period of time and won’t go unfinished like some of my other projects. If nothing else I have benefited from simply writing my story down. If you write or if you have always had a dream to write, try NaNoWriMo next November to get a good head start. If nothing else you will discover yourself at least I did.

Homeless and Thankful

There was a time a few years back when I didn’t have a safe place to sleep. My 2nd husband and I were homeless. We had no place to go, we were on the street. My 2nd husband has a mental illness which resulted in both of us being homeless for five days. Regardless of how we ended up in the predicament, it was a learning experience for me. I had never been homeless before and I hope I am never homeless again but I had a lot to be thankful for. We were on the border of Washington and Idaho and we were very lucky. I had lost my employment but we were lucky because he had Social Security payments. We had something to look forward to. He was resourceful and he had a truck. We used what little gas we had to find a place to camp in Washington right off the river. Our first night was rough because we didn’t have a tent and some people went there to drink and made lots of noise. We didn’t get much sleep that night. The next night we met some people who were camping under the best spot under the trees and they needed to eat good food. They were eating cold can food. We had a small box of food, a cast iron skillet and camping coffee pot with the fixings for coffee.

We didn’t have much but we made a campfire that day and I made coffee and some food. They shared their camp spot and there was an extra tent that we were able to stay in. We had sleeping bags so we were lucky that we now had a tent and a sleeping bag and I could cook over a campfire. We went to the local food bank and got some more food, enough to feed them and us for a week. There were several people who passed through. There was a young couple with a little boy about 10 years old. None of us had a fishing license but the boy was young enough to fish without one. We all pulled our resources together. The boy was proficient at catching fish and my 2nd husband was proficient at cleaning them and I am proficient at cooking them. Together we fed the entire group. We were right off the river so we had a place to bath and it was summer so the river was warm and we could get clean. Wash our bodies and our hair. We were lucky that we could groom ourselves and when we had to go into town to apply for emergency benefits and for my 2nd husband to cash his check; no one could tell we have been homeless for a week.

We were lucky because most homeless folks don’t have it so good. Although I was grateful for the hotel room that helped me gain employment because I now had a phone, a shower and a soft place to sleep, I was thankful that my week of being on the street was so comfortable. Sure there were two bees nests at the campsite and the trees were so infested with spiders that we had to run for cover at dusk because they would all fall from the trees above us. It wasn’t great or absolutely fun but we definitely had it good for being homeless. We ate good food and the tent was a Blessing. We left the tent for others who are passing through to use. It may not be perfect but it did keep most of the bugs off of us throughout the night. We met a lot of interesting people being out there on the river and it was a great learning experience. It taught me to see my blessings and to be thankful for what I have. Everyday I take a hot shower I am thankful and every night I sleep in a soft bed I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a door to lock and the internet to use. Every meal I eat I am thankful for the food I have because I know in a heartbeat it can all be taken away. For those five days I was homeless and thankful.

Witchcraft and the Real World

Tags

, , , , ,

Often when we think about Witchcraft there are many different images and ideals about witchcraft that soars through our minds. For most, images from movies or television shows come to mind such as Bewitched or The Craft. We often think of old withered crones hunched over their cauldrons stirring their wicked brew. The childhood story of Hansel and Gretel feeds our minds creepy stories of witches eating little children. At Halloween we see many macabre scenes of witches and the famous witches brew. Stories of Vampires and Werewolves fill the television screen and my favorite Halloween show, Hocus Pocus, is soon to air. These images and stories are all quite fun to entertain and give us a bit of enjoyment in the season of the impending cold weather of winter. A time when nature sleeps and darkness rules.

We hear these days about witchcraft in the real world and these images of creepy and frightful ugly old crones who want to cause us harm and send the devil chasing after us comes flooding into our thoughts. The question is what is Witchcraft and is it for real? As a real witch I will be giving my opinions, perceptions and understanding as to what Witchcraft is to me from my perspective.

Although, the images of ugly old crones gathered around boiling potions in large cauldrons laying in wait to cause havoc and harm to all those around them are creepy, exhilarating and right down fun to imagine, these are not accurate or real. Keeping it simple lets take a little mystery out of witchcraft. Some witches are young and beautiful, some are old and beautiful and some are not so beautiful on the outside. Witches are often men and women not just women and witchcraft is not evil or of the devil. Wicca and Witchcraft are not the same thing although Wicca incorporates witchcraft into its structure.

The question remains, what is witchcraft in the real world and better yet, is witchcraft real? Witchcraft as many of us like to call it is very real. Witches are very real but not in the fantasy story book kind of way. It is true we make concoctions, potions, and tinctures. It is true we use magic and it is true that most of us own a cauldron of a sort and the cauldron tends to play a very important role in what we do. Herbalism plays a significant role in our practices and there are many different origins of Witchcraft. Witchcraft itself is not a religious belief but a simple way of life. We generally use magickal spells that are enhanced with items from nature and for most these items are merely a tool to help our minds change what we want to change.

If Witches use magick then what is magick? Magic is a psychological process of bending energy and focusing it on an end goal. Do witches cause harm? Witches go extra lengths to try not to harm others. Are we capable of harming others? Yes, just like anyone else is capable of causing harm, but Witches try not to harm others. Witches are generally healer types. They focus energy on the healing aspect of life, honoring all life and making life better for themselves and those around them. In the real world, witches do not float things through the air, make things appear or disappear, or even metamorphosize into other creatures. We hear witches talking about taking on the aspects of certain animals and yes in a way we do become like that animal in its traits. Witches do not cast harmful spells on others but we do use spells to protect ourselves against others. I found myself needing a protection spell cast on several occasions. It always worked and never cause harm to others but stopped the harm from hurting me.

If witches are about healing, how do they go about healing people? It is more of a self healing first then they send energy to surround the individual, they often use herbs in their magic or herbal remedies for healing. I know I prefer the natural source over the synthetic option any day. True witchcraft is like science and psychology rolled up into one. The power of the mind/thought and how it controls what surrounds us. Much like Mind Movies or Mind boards bring out the end goal results over time, so does magick through spell work and prayer is a form of magick. Considering prayer is the power of belief through thought and emotion that brings forth results so does magick work in the same fashion.

I have heard some say I don’t believe in your magic therefore it can not hurt me or touch me. First of all, I personally would not do anything to cause harm to someone else and second of all, in order for my magick to work the only one who needs to believe in it is ME.

Witchcraft is based on traditions from way back when before the common era. Back before Christianity came in its tyranny to convert all of the Pagans to Christ. These traditions used ceremony, rituals and deep beliefs. It was not called witchcraft then but was the way life was lived. These traditions have carried on for centuries with new traditions added and improvements made with the new information that was found in the discoveries over the centuries such as in science and psychology. Witchcraft in the real world is not like bewitched where the witch can wiggle her nose and things appear and disappear, that would be an illusionist. It is not the evil done with demons and spells that cause harm or possessions or witches turning people into frogs or canaries. Oh and yes we often have a familiar but it is not an animal that is possesed by a demon, it is usually a very close pet and not always a cat.

Yes there are witches in the real world. Yes, witchcraft is real and NO, it is not like what you see on television.

The Angry Mob

Tags

, , , ,

When I was around 30 years old, just several months after I married my 2nd husband, everything seemed to be going ok in our new place with our new neighbors. My husband seemed to be having no trouble making friends with them. One day out of  nowhere, we began to have several visits from the police. At first it was just a couple of visits from the police with reports of frivolous complaints from the neighbors about where our car was parked.

The reports to the police were annoying and confusing because we had lived there for several months and had no prior problems with any of the neighbors. The problems began to escalate as quickly and suddenly as they began. We had the police at our door several times a day. We found ourselves in the position to defend ourselves several times a day from ridiculous complaints from where we parked the car in front of our house, the speed at which we drove down our dead-end street and even a complaint that we had two cars for which we had adequate parking.

Within a couple of weeks the trouble escalated to the point where the neighbors stabbed our tires as well as the many times that the neighbors called the police to get us out of their neighborhood.

More than once I had to deal with the neighbors complaining to the police and our landlord about getting us out of the neighborhood and that I in particular was a menace. I had several confrontations with the local police. It wasn’t very long before an Angry Mob was on my doorstep…

about a year before the angry mob…

A couple of years after I joined the path of witchcraft, I met my second Husband. He was very charismatic and lots of fun. It had been a couple of years since I had been in a steady relationship and I thought I was ready to trying it again. When I began dating him, I made sure I informed him of my religious/spiritual beliefs and made sure he understood that it was witchcraft.
He had me convinced that he believed what I believed or at least very similar.

Once we were married, things began to change. He suddenly had a problem with my friend who was the Clergy that performed our wedding ceremony and had become quite jealous of her. I was shocked when he said insulting things about her and accused me of having an affair with her. She left my life with his behavior and he began to chase off the rest of my friends. One day he came in the front door, very angry and began to yell at me. He was furious that “they” had so much respect for me and none for him. He began to shout at me that I was nothing, that I was not what they think I am. that I am a bad person and I don’t deserve all the respect they give me and that he was going to make sure everyone knows it.

I was very hurt by what he said to me and I didn’t understand what he was talking about. I knew that I had spent the last 2 years of my life earning every bit of respect that I had from others within the Pagan community in which I was involved. I knew that none of the stuff he was saying to me was true. I knew I was not a bad person or an evil person, I was not deceiving anyone. In fact, I am quite forthright and honest. When it was time for my meditation, he began to harass me and yell at me for being in the room alone and would accuse me of ridiculous crap and demand to know exactly what I was doing. He was such an obstruction that I could not meditate as long as he was around.

He would see me burning incense, herbs, and white sage. He watched me perform my daily rituals and demanded to know what I was doing. I once again reminded him that I was a witch and the things I do are part of that. He asked my why I don’t tell everyone and why does it have to be such a secret. I tried to explain to him that most people did not understand what it meant to be a witch and that most people had skewed ideas about witchcraft and that for many others to know would attract confrontations I did not feel I was ready to handle at that point on my path.
I asked him to allow me the choice of who to tell and who not to tell. He agreed and we went about our day.

After the trouble with the neighbors mysteriously began so suddenly, I asked my husband if he knew what might have upset the neighbors. He had been spending so much time visiting around I figured they may have mentioned something to him. That is when he told me that he told every single one of our neighbors that I am a witch. I felt so betrayed at that moment that I was extremely regretful that I had married this man. A man I did not know at all. I asked him why he did that after he made the agreement that he would allow me to make the choice of who knew.

He said he didn’t think that the neighbors would react this way. He didn’t believe what I had said about the dangers of narrow minded people and how destructive and violent they can become.

As the days passed and the police reports were not working for them and the police announced that the next person to call them would be arrested. They tried to get the landlords of all the homes in that section to evict us and failed. I had hoped that the harassment would die down and it would be squashed and I would be able to live in peace once again.

A single day following their defeat…

I heard the neighbors shouting outside my home. I opened the front door to find a mob of neighbors standing there. They reminded me of many old movie scenes that involved an angry mob as they shouted at me to get out of their neighborhood. They were shouting about how witches put curses on people and cause people to die with their evil magic. I listened to their fears and the misunderstandings and although I was strongly feeling the urge to roll my eyes at their belief in such nonsense, I managed to keep my expression serious and my eyes steady. When they were finished, I told them what witches don’t do. We don’t curse people, we don’t worship the devil. We don’t hurt people with harmful spells or magic. We do not make human or animal sacrifices. I asked them if they would like to know what kind of witch I was and what sort of magic I performed.

As briefly and as simply as I could, I explained that I and most witches are healers, we all offer healing in different ways. We don’t harm people because we believe that what ever we do will come back on us. We respect all life as sacred and therefore would never sacrifice animals or people. They listened as I told them what kind of witch I was. Their faces softened as I spoke about my beliefs and my religious practices. The Angry mob at my door turned and walked away with fears replaced with understanding. My husband stood behind me in disbelief as the angry mob walked away with the problem resolved.

Change of Heart…

The weeks following were interesting to say the least. One by one, each of the neighbors who called the police, stabbed our tires, and tried to get us evicted, left the neighborhood. They all left for different reasons. Some were arrested, some were evicted, some found better jobs and moved into a bigger home. One moved right across the street. Before they left, one neighbor called the police on his wife and when the police arrived he told them how wrong they were about me and that I was actually a very nice lady. Another couple  gave us 2 rose bushes, and some fruit and vegetable plants for my garden as they prepared to move.

The once angry mob left the scene with kindness and peace. They were no longer angry or fearful of me or my witchcraft.

Witches, Vampires and Murder

Tags

, , , , ,

Upon deciding to write about the murder of my friend, I realized that I have forgotten some of the details such as exactly what the date was that he was murdered and found dead. I tried to find the story I read in the newspaper from about the time the murder took place. Unfortunately, I did not find anything online and I am no longer in Boise, Idaho to try a search at the library if that option still exists. So, please bear with me as I tell this story completely from my memory which means it is from a narrow perspective since I only have my own memories to draw from.

After the Beltane ritual in the spring of 1998 or 1999, a murder with an unusual twist took place not far from Boise, Idaho. As the Homicide detectives began to investigate the murder of a man found shot to death in the natural hot springs not far from Boise, the Capital of Idaho. Police uncovered some unusual clues that lead them to a strange community within their average city.

I imagine the detectives on the case were perplexed with the content of his mysterious Journal which I imagine was his Book of Shadows. They were faced with the challenge of understanding what was written within the text. What were these rituals about? What is a blood stone and why did he have this dagger? Their questions led them to the local, well known metaphysical shop and I am sure they went with hopes of making some sense from this craziness.

A few months before the murder…

I met Kelvin not long before his murder. There was a gathering for Samhain (Halloween) presented by a local pagan organization at the time. It was my first experience with the little group and if I remember correctly, it was also Kelvin’s first encounter with the group. It is one of my fondest memories because it was the beginning to a whole new chapter in my life. I began to meet with Kelvin once a week for lunch to discuss Wicca and spiritual ideas since we were both just beginning. I would not say that Kelvin and I were very close but he did become a significant experience in my life in teaching me a few things about me and my spirituality.

The last time I saw Kelvin was at the Public Beltane Ritual presented by the little group we attended. I had a brief word with him in which I pleaded with him not to go up to the mountains with the two boys this time. I offered to go with him in their place because I just knew that he was going to die that night. I don’t know why or how I knew that but I did. His reply was that it is a good day to die.

I had a lot of anxiety following that night. The next day, Wednesday, we had a Wicca 101 class and as I sat in my chair before class began, I was hoping I was wrong and that he would walk through the door at any minute. The class began and still no Kelvin. It was unlike Kelvin to miss anything even if he had to walk for 2 hours to get there. I anxiously watched the door. I was hoping maybe he was simply late. The class ended and he was a no show. I knew he was dead, not sure how I knew, but I just knew. I am sure most people have had that “gut feeling” experience at least once in their life.

I tried to put off my gut feeling by telling myself that the thought of him being dead was simply paranoid thinking and he was likely to have a good reason why he couldn’t make it to class. Maybe his car broke down or he suddenly got the flu or maybe a family emergency took him out of town. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that the horrible feeling, the horrible thought, the gut feeling was just my imagination going wild, I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, I knew he was dead.

The next night, Thursday, I went out on the date I had scheduled and came home around 11pm and listened to the message on the answering machine. It was a friend from that little group, whom I had grown to admire. She told me to call her anytime day or night as she had something very important to tell me. I don’t remember if I called her that night or the next day. I had a feeling I already knew what she was going to tell me.

When I spoke to her, she told me that Kelvin had been found dead and that he had been murdered. She gave me the phone number of a detective to call if I had any information that could help the case. I remember hanging up the phone and pacing in the living room, processing the reality of my gut feeling, my warning him, my begging him not to go with those boys, and the anxiety I felt over the past few days, that it wasn’t my imagination, it had really happened. He was murdered at the location where he told me he was going after the public Beltane ritual to perform his own private and personal Beltane ritual. He usually went there to meditate and conduct his rituals.

Once I was able to accept his death as a reality, I began to go back through my memory of every conversation we had on every occasion that I had seen him leading up to the last time. I remembered a few things that might be of some help but I wasn’t sure if it would be any help at all.

I collected my thoughts about “Witches and Vampires” and I thought to myself, this sounds so freaking crazy, I am not even sure if the detective is going to take me seriously. I hesitated for a moment, then I dialed the number. When she answered, I introduced myself and explained why I was calling. I started telling her what I knew, knowing how crazy it must sound.

I told her that I am a witch; I told her that Kelvin and I met on Thursdays for lunch to discuss witchcraft, rituals, spirituality and deity. I told her about the last time we met for lunch. I told her how he brought those boys with him to the hills where he would perform his rituals. He was afraid of dogs and in that area; one could hear the howls of wolf packs that roamed the territory. The kids had a gun and they would fire the gun while he performed his ritual and he felt safe from the wolves while the boys and their gun were with him.

I told the detective that Kelvin was exploring many different types of groups; my group was a group of Witches, the boys identified as Vampires. To this day I do not really know anything about Vampires, what they do, what they believe or what they practice. From my perspective, Kelvin practiced witchcraft in a Wiccan format from the best I understood after our many lunch meetings. As I relayed my information to the detective I could almost hear her eyes rolling in disbelief of such craziness as Witches and Vampires. Describing Intuition and the meaning of Dreams, totems and spirit guides.

I do not know what happened up there that night; what events took place that left Kelvin’s body floating face down in the natural hot spring, shot in the head. All I knew is that Kelvin told me he was going to go up there with those boys; I knew Kelvin told me they had a gun and he felt safe from the wolves because of them firing the gun to scare them off. I could only speculate what may have happened. Was it an accident? Did they kill him on purpose? Did they kill him or were they simply a witness to someone else killing him? Only those boys were left alive who knew the true answers to what happened up there that night.

I told her if she found those boys she would find the killer because if they didn’t do it, they knew who did because they were there.

About three days or maybe a week after I spoke with the detective, I was told that the boys had been arrested for Kelvin’s murder and they had confessed. I don’t know what happened to the boys after that. I don’t know if they received a sentence or not. I don’t know if they walked away from it without any conviction at all. I don’t even remember their names. What I do remember was that Kelvin was a good guy; he gave as much of himself as he could. Kelvin always made good on promises or commitments to others. If he said he would do something or be somewhere, He was there.

I remember the lessons that Kelvin taught me. Because I knew him, he helped me cross the bridge from introvert to living out in the open and allowing others to see into my very private life. I went from the young girl who was so shy she could not order a hamburger at a fast food restaurant to a woman who can speak in public and who can stand up and address a whole group. More accurately, he was one of the many bridges between the quiet and shy wallflower I once was to the outspoken woman I am today.

This story of an actual event can be seen merely as a story about a witch who was murdered by vampires which sounds absolutely absurd, but in reality, it is truly a story about a man on a spiritual quest to find what he was looking for from within himself and a couple of boys who may have made a deadly mistake.

Although there are many who identify themselves under the label of Witch and there are many who identify themselves as Vampires, Pagans, Heathens, Shamans, Druids, Satanist, Atheist, etc., many are not likely identifying with the common public idea or concept of the those labels. I have to admit, the story about Witches and Vampires would make a great story in the Fantasy/Science Fiction section, however this is a true story; a story that has had a great impact on my life. Kelvin’s death was my first actual experience with death and with knowing someone personally who was taken by murder. It was also the most difficult tragedy that I have experienced thus far. I hope I never experience anything like it again.